Deceptive Truce

Life has been a series of exquisite disasters…

Do you ever lie to yourself? I do. Making friends has been the cruelest choice I ever inflicted upon myself. I like to say I don’t regret it, and for the most part that’s true.

I resent it.

I despise him because he left me behind, following another battle in this war we’ve been waging. I thought we were partners, best friends, allies, and that he would always have my back as I’ve fought to have his.

I hate her because she’s perfection and everything he’s ever wanted, untouchable, brilliant, and capable. Yet, I want her too. Need her. Still, she gave herself to someone else.

Telling myself one taste would have to be enough even when I knew it never could be is just another deception I sold myself on this trail of disaster.

No matter what I do, I’m not enough for them, for my family, for this world we inhabit. Now—alliances are shifting, and our enemies are closing in.

I know the difference and I know I need to leave them to face it all on their own. That’s the choice I should make. That’s the choice I have to make.

Or at least, that’s the newest lie I tell myself.